Romance and God
Not too long ago I linked to this article that explains why divorce rates spiked after the “soul-mate” idea of marriage took hold. Short version: marriage has not always been about the happiness of the partners. In times past, as in many places in the world today, marriage was a social institution designed for the stability and security of society and happiness had very little to do with it. When marriage began to be viewed as a personal gratifier in the 1960s and 1970s the unhappiness of couples increased and with it rates of divorce.
Here’s a key paragraph:
Anyone married more than ten minutes knows emotions alone make bad foundations.
To some extent everyone marries their spouses because of an emotion: love. This the most deeply felt of all emotions. But love is felt in a variety of ways which you would know if you have ever been subjected to a chick flick. The plot of every romantic comedy is the same: Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy does something stupid and loses girl. Boy does something crazy to get girl back. The poor boy feels love from the highs of flirting to the depths of loss and everywhere in between. (So does the girl, I suppose, but never having been one I couldn’t say with any degree of certainty.) Love is what compels him to do the crazy thing. Notice, too, the love between them appears to suffer when difficulty comes but is strengthened when everyone finally comes to their senses. The point? True love grows through both ecstatic and painful experiences.
But there is another wrinkle to examine. Christians also often think of the Christian life as a romance with God. We use language of God pursuing us and wooing us. And why not? Scripture indicates God’s desire for humanity. He loved humanity so much as to send his Only Son to die on the cross for us (John 3:16). Surely that could top the craziest romantic comedy. We think of spending time with God-as one might a spouse-as the best way to nurture our relationship with him.
But is the idea of romance with God dangerous? The answer is yes if our idea of love is shaped by the culture of me-first love. Christians are often tempted to think of God this way. God is useful when our problems are being solved, when good things come from our faith. Then faith is easy. The danger comes come when we encounter trials or persecution. For younger Christians it may be the first time a prayer seems to go unanswered. The self-focused definition of love jettisons faith. The God-centered Christian holds faith firm knowing God will use everything to shape his people into his image.
Countless Christians through the centuries have struggled with God when he seemed an absent partner. One thinks of St. John of the Cross locked in a closet for months while his fellow monks debated whether or not to kill him. His book Dark Night of the Soul has been guiding Christians through such rough patches ever since. What John knew was that true love for God, what he called union with God, can only come when we have been through the testing fires. The hard times make the romance that much better.
The concept seems lost to a Church accustomed to warm lattes sitting in cushy chairs and listening to feel-good sermons about how to have a happier life with Jesus.
I have just finish “Addiction and Grace” by Gerald May, who feels that beginning with the fall we have cultivated addictions, and it is addiction that keeps us from the Here, the Now, from God. He interperates Christ’s work as showing us how to drop addictions. Whether it be a warm latte on Sunday morning, tobacco, a political orientation, even a addiction to scripture, addiction prevents us from exercising faith. The desert experience of Exodus apparently has many parallels to withdraw.
May, says much about the one on one love, our romance, the grace He gives, and why we must be free, free to live in addiction, or free to return His divine love.
“nideratuib?…I mean moderation??